Parenting Issues: Nasty TV Shows!

'I'm really not sure what to do. I can't see any way forward, short of alienating my children. Is there a way?'

The mother sitting across from me in the school's Guidance Suite was clearly in an emotional turmoil. She was desperately seeking an answer to her problem.

Although she attended her church regularly, she was not keen to speak to her minister about this particular issue.

You see, on her last church visit he had preached on the topic of unsuitable TV shows and how they had a negative effect on the whole community. Top of the list was the 'soaps' which seemed to portray nothing but backbiting, infidelity, crime, despair and a host of other less desirable human traits.

But everyone watches these shows, the Mum claimed. How could she simply switch off the TV and expect her kids to comply? Even if they had no access to them at home, it would be so easy for them to watch them at their friends' houses.

And if she took such a firm and one-sided approach, the kids would rebel and there'd be no hope of keeping them 'on her side'. Could anything be done?

This 'moral dilemma' is one that faces all parents in some form or other: how do you stop your kids watching certain TV shows/viewing unsuitable DVDs/taking alcohol or drugs when 'everyone else is doing it? (You can replace the specific 'moral dilemma' with one that affects your family!)

On this occasion, we'll use the TV programmes as an example.

It may surprise you, but I don't believe the extreme approach -'Not in my house!' - will be the most effective.

Believe me, this isn't a case of turning a 'blind eye' in order to avoid conflict and have a peaceful home life.

It's precisely because that's the way it is these days that we must do something about it. But what?

Why don't we talk to our children - in an open and friendly manner - and discuss what we believe is wrong in these programmes? We can't be with our kids everywhere, but they can use their own judgement.

It makes more sense, then, to impart our higher standards to them.

This can be achieved by an open discussion of the content in these shows.

If a show is downright evil or immoral, then definitely let's keep it out of our homes. But for the majority that portray a lifestyle or behaviour we take issue with, then let's view them (with our kids if possible) and have the confidence to open up a discussion about what is being portrayed.

The questions raised will usually involve attacks on family life, a lack of mutual respect, a questioning of or outright disrespect for society and its values.

Let the children have their say, then, without bullying or losing your cool, state your views in a calm, assertive manner. Leave them in no doubt there are better options!

This way you train their minds to be discriminating - and if you set a good example, they will follow! Next time they're out and about, you'll know you can rely on them to use their judgement.

 Parenting Issues: Nasty TV Shows!

'I'm really not sure what to do. I can't see any way forward, short of alienating my children. Is there a way?'

The mother sitting across from me in the school's Guidance Suite was clearly in an emotional turmoil. She was desperately seeking an answer to her problem.

Although she attended her church regularly, she was not keen to speak to her minister about this particular issue.

You see, on her last church visit he had preached on the topic of unsuitable TV shows and how they had a negative effect on the whole community. Top of the list was the 'soaps' which seemed to portray nothing but backbiting, infidelity, crime, despair and a host of other less desirable human traits.

But everyone watches these shows, the Mum claimed. How could she simply switch off the TV and expect her kids to comply? Even if they had no access to them at home, it would be so easy for them to watch them at their friends' houses.

And if she took such a firm and one-sided approach, the kids would rebel and there'd be no hope of keeping them 'on her side'. Could anything be done?

This 'moral dilemma' is one that faces all parents in some form or other: how do you stop your kids watching certain TV shows/viewing unsuitable DVDs/taking alcohol or drugs when 'everyone else is doing it? (You can replace the specific 'moral dilemma' with one that affects your family!)

On this occasion, we'll use the TV programmes as an example.

It may surprise you, but I don't believe the extreme approach -'Not in my house!' - will be the most effective.

Believe me, this isn't a case of turning a 'blind eye' in order to avoid conflict and have a peaceful home life.

It's precisely because that's the way it is these days that we must do something about it. But what?

Why don't we talk to our children - in an open and friendly manner - and discuss what we believe is wrong in these programmes? We can't be with our kids everywhere, but they can use their own judgement.

It makes more sense, then, to impart our higher standards to them.

This can be achieved by an open discussion of the content in these shows.

If a show is downright evil or immoral, then definitely let's keep it out of our homes. But for the majority that portray a lifestyle or behaviour we take issue with, then let's view them (with our kids if possible) and have the confidence to open up a discussion about what is being portrayed.

The questions raised will usually involve attacks on family life, a lack of mutual respect, a questioning of or outright disrespect for society and its values.

Let the children have their say, then, without bullying or losing your cool, state your views in a calm, assertive manner. Leave them in no doubt there are better options!

This way you train their minds to be discriminating - and if you set a good example, they will follow! Next time they're out and about, you'll know you can rely on them to use their judgement.