How Far Have We Really Come?

It’s amazing that so many of us still have areas in which we feel inadequate, maybe even powerless. We can be CEOs, doctors, US Senators – but we still might cringe at trying (and being initially klutzy at) a new sport, showing our imperfect legs in shorts, or asking for a long-overdue raise. We can negotiate fiercely in the Board room – but put up with lousy haircuts for months before we get up the nerve to “fire” our hairdresser. We sit “small” in our airplane seats, not wanting to take up too much space.

Self-esteem is not the same as assertiveness. Assertiveness is a behavior; self-esteem is the underlying feeling of value, even self-love. Many of us in business or sports or other competitive arenas have learned to be assertive – but as a survival mechanism, not necessarily from an underlying sense of healthy self-esteem.

That gap between how we are acting – assertively – and how we are feeling – undeserving or unworthy – causes an internal tension, a feeling of incongruence, definitely less effectiveness in our performance and in our lives. By trying to “fake it until we make it,” we set ourselves up to never make it at all!

And though our lack of self-esteem as women may be rooted in past signals from our family, underlying messages in our culture, etc, etc, etc – the power to improve our self image is in the present moment. Past conditioning can be corrected by re-conditioning in the present.

How to do this? The first step is awareness and acknowledgement. Do you feel like you are “in the way” on the golf course? Do feel timid telling your doctor that you want a second opinion? Or when you do gird yourself up to confront a situation at the office, does it take an incredible toll on your body and emotions?

Once you’ve identified the areas where you self-esteem is lagging, try this practice:
1. With eyes closed, sit quietly and bring to mind the situation where you’ve felt unworthy.
2. Allow yourself to feel into the picture in your mind. How does it feel in your body? Where exactly is the feeling located in your body?
3. After a few minutes, turn your attention to your breathing, your deep inhales and complete exhales.
4. As you allow your body to relax into your breathing, imagine yourself in that same situation but as a new, truly self-confidant and empowered you.
5. Sit with this new picture of yourself for a few minutes, breathing deeply.

While doing this practice, if your new picture is not perfect, don’t despair! You will have already caused a shift in your sense of self simply by acknowledging and breathing through your old discomfort. Play with the technique, and you’ll how much more vibrant the self-confidant images of yourself become – and how powerfully this simple practice will impact your life!

 How Far Have We Really Come?

It’s amazing that so many of us still have areas in which we feel inadequate, maybe even powerless. We can be CEOs, doctors, US Senators – but we still might cringe at trying (and being initially klutzy at) a new sport, showing our imperfect legs in shorts, or asking for a long-overdue raise. We can negotiate fiercely in the Board room – but put up with lousy haircuts for months before we get up the nerve to “fire” our hairdresser. We sit “small” in our airplane seats, not wanting to take up too much space.

Self-esteem is not the same as assertiveness. Assertiveness is a behavior; self-esteem is the underlying feeling of value, even self-love. Many of us in business or sports or other competitive arenas have learned to be assertive – but as a survival mechanism, not necessarily from an underlying sense of healthy self-esteem.

That gap between how we are acting – assertively – and how we are feeling – undeserving or unworthy – causes an internal tension, a feeling of incongruence, definitely less effectiveness in our performance and in our lives. By trying to “fake it until we make it,” we set ourselves up to never make it at all!

And though our lack of self-esteem as women may be rooted in past signals from our family, underlying messages in our culture, etc, etc, etc – the power to improve our self image is in the present moment. Past conditioning can be corrected by re-conditioning in the present.

How to do this? The first step is awareness and acknowledgement. Do you feel like you are “in the way” on the golf course? Do feel timid telling your doctor that you want a second opinion? Or when you do gird yourself up to confront a situation at the office, does it take an incredible toll on your body and emotions?

Once you’ve identified the areas where you self-esteem is lagging, try this practice:
1. With eyes closed, sit quietly and bring to mind the situation where you’ve felt unworthy.
2. Allow yourself to feel into the picture in your mind. How does it feel in your body? Where exactly is the feeling located in your body?
3. After a few minutes, turn your attention to your breathing, your deep inhales and complete exhales.
4. As you allow your body to relax into your breathing, imagine yourself in that same situation but as a new, truly self-confidant and empowered you.
5. Sit with this new picture of yourself for a few minutes, breathing deeply.

While doing this practice, if your new picture is not perfect, don’t despair! You will have already caused a shift in your sense of self simply by acknowledging and breathing through your old discomfort. Play with the technique, and you’ll how much more vibrant the self-confidant images of yourself become – and how powerfully this simple practice will impact your life!